Being infertile is bad enough - but
unfortunately many infertile couples compound their misery by adding to
it ! Tom Robinson has an excellent website at
www.chronicillnesscoach.com,
where he coaches patients with a chronic illness ( such as Crohn’s
disease) how to take better care of themselves. He points out that the
chronically ill can make themselves unnecessarily miserable, and I found
it fascinating that infertile couples often end up making these very
same mistakes !
He calls these traps misery maximizers,
and by avoiding them, you will be able to decrease your suffering
dramatically. Not only does he describe the traps, he also suggests
clever ways of getting out of them. Below is a short course on what NOT
TO DO.
1. Put yourself down for being
infertile. The trap-buster he suggests is that you get a paper
and pen , and make a list of the negative or self-critical things you’ve
said or thought in the last 24 hours. Next, pretend that a close friend
is also infertile, and has said those things you’ve written down. Now,
for each item, ask yourself what you might say to him or her to cheer
her up. What advice would you give your friend when she begins to feel
so low, and so self-critical ? Be your own good friend, and say these
things to yourself !
2. Lose control over your treatment
and your life. Retaining a sense of control is one of the essential
ingredients of emotional well being. The more control you are able to
exercise in your lives ( even if it is for something as simple as to
what clothes to wear) the happier and emotionally healthier you’ll
become.
3. Don’t feel grateful to anyone for
anything. Gratitude improves emotional and physical health. Saying
“thanks” keeps us human, and helps keep us happy and healthy.
4. Don't have a sense of humor. A
sense of humor and an appreciation for the absurdities of are valuable
resources to use to help you cope. Check out our infertility cartoons
for a quick chuckle !
5. Don't take time for yourself.
Many women are so used to putting others first, that they often end up
neglecting themselves. However, if you don’t take care of yourself,
you’ll never be able to take care of anyone else ! And you don’t score
any brownie points for being a martyr either ! DO ONE SMALL THING A DAY
TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER – you are worth it !
6. Don't take responsibility for your
medical care. Obviously if you don’t get good medical care you’re
reducing your chance of starting your family even further !
Unfortunately, many patients still hold their doctors in awe, with the
result that they often settle for poor quality treatment and even worse
service in the clinic . Don’t fall into this trap – there are lots of
good specialist around – find the one who is right for you !
7. Dwell on your infertility day and
night. This is one of the easiest ways to get seduced into misery.
Remember that there is more to life than having a baby – don’t
underestimate your contribution to making others happier; or minimize
your success in the other areas of your life.
8. Isolate yourself. Isolating
yourself makes it much easier to forget that no matter how serious your
problem is, there are always people who have it much worse. While
knowing that won’t make your infertility better, it will help put it in
perspective. Join a support group – supporting others can help you
support yourself !
So what can you do when you find yourself
stick in one of these
traps ? Visit
www.chronicillnesscoach.com and download the free report, where
Robinson suggests simple and useful techniques you can use to help
yourself minimize your misery !
Infertility Movie
Please do watch this
movie
- it describes the emotional status of an infertile couple so well !
Hopefully, it will help to cheer you up too !
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