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I recently read a superb book by Gregory White
Smith, called Making Miracles Happen, which describes how he
fought and defeated his brain tumour. While infertility may not be a
life-threatening medical problem, his advise can easily be used by
infertile couples to help them achieve their own miracle - a baby!
This is his advise - as adapted for defeating
infertility.
1. Take Control of Your Infertility.
You may think you’re helpless, but you’re not. You are not the pawn on
the chessboard of your life – you are the Queen! Take control of your
life through a combination of information and attitude. Be a part of
every decision about your treatment. Resist the urge to leave it all in
your doctor’s hands – he cannot read your mind or decide what’s best for
you – only you can!
2. Insist on Options.
There is no one right answer in medicine, which means you need to look
for options. Don’t be afraid of choices; embrace them. Options for
infertile couples are usually not mutually exclusive, so it’s a good
idea to explore them all in parallel.
3. Find the Right Doctor.
All doctors are not created equal. Make the extra effort to find the
right doctor - it can make a crucial difference. The worst tragedy is
having a problem which can be treated – and not finding the right doctor
to provide the right treatment.
4. Build A Partnership With Your Doctor.
Infertility treatment can be a long drawn out process, so you need to
look upon this as a war – not just a battle. Your half of this
partnership is to stay involved and stay informed. Your doctor’s role is
to answer all your questions and plot a course of action that you both
agree is best. Since the quality of his answers will depend upon the
quality of your questions, you need to learn to ask the right questions!
5. Find An Advocate.
Getting the best care in a managed-care environment can be a struggle,
and infertility treatment can be expensive. Find a friend or loved one
to help with the fight.
6. Subdue The Enemy Within.
It’s natural to ask, “why me?” Learn to recognize self-pity so you can
resist it.
7. Build A Support Network.
This is not the time to be alone. There is no weakness in letting
family, friends, or even strangers help. Accept their involvement and
their support.
8. Know When To Draw The Line.
Take control over your treatment. Don’t let your doctor decide where to
draw the line on what is and what is not worth fighting for; draw it
yourself.
9. Never Say Never.
Assisted reproductive technology is advancing at an accelerating rate.
That which was impossible only yesterday is possible today. There is no
such thing as false hope – only uninformed hope.
10. Take the Path of Least Regret.
It’s often difficult to make decisions, since the final outcome for any
course can never be predicted accurately. When you are uncertain how to
proceed, adopt the path of least regret, so you have peace of mind that
you did your best. Follow your heart – and this may be easier said than
done. The following tip may help you to clarify your goals. Let’s say
you decide not to pursue treatment and accept child-free living.Make
this your decision for 3 months and see how well you can cope. If you
find you have peace of mind and are glad that you do not need to see the
doctor anymore, this means your heart is telling you – “Enough!”
However, if you find that you cannot sleep well, then you may need to
decide to continue. Many couples are scared of making the wrong
decision, and they often end up making no decision at all – which is
usually the worst possible decision. Don’t fall into the trap of
“paralysis by analysis”.
Remember that there are always choices – and you
have to live with the consequences of your choices for the rest of your
life. There are no right or wrong answers – only what’s right for you.
Listen to everyone – but don’t let anyone else decide for you!
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