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Miscarriages (pregnancy loss ) are extremely common
and occur in about 10% of all pregnancies. The loss of a pregnancy in a
normally fertile woman hurts, but when a woman who has conceived after
taking treatment for her infertility problems loses her pregnancy, the
loss is far more difficult to bear. A miscarriage after infertility
treatment is a double whammy , and adds insult to injury . Many
infertile women , who have worked so hard to get pregnant , only to then
lose it, find it extremely difficult to come to terms with a miscarriage
The vast majority are simply not prepared , and find it nearly
impossible to cope. So near and yet so far…
Unfortunately, the fact remains that pregnancies
after infertility treatment are as susceptible to pregnancy loss as
normal pregnancies. In fact, in some infertile women, such as those who
are older or those who have severe endometriosis , the risk is markedly
increased.
The commonest question most women who suffer a
miscarriage ask is – Why me ? Why did it occur ? We now know that the
commonest reason for miscarriages is a genetic defect in the fetus .
This is a random event, and occurs simply because Nature is not perfect
. In fact, a miscarriage is one of nature’s painful defense mechanism to
prevent an abnormal baby from being born. However there are still many
misconceptions as to why a miscarriage occurs , and many women still
blame themselves when they miscarry. Unfortunately , there is little
societal support , and lots of misguided friends and relatives add to
the victim blaming by postulating reasons such as eating hot food or
driving on bumpy roads.
What is extremely interesting is the difference in
how doctors look at women who have had a miscarriage , and how these
women look at themselves . Most doctors know that women who have had at
least one miscarriage have a better prognosis for having a healthy baby
as compared to someone who has never been pregnant . Since they have
been pregnant at least once , they have proven that their reproductive
system does work !
However we have found that many infertile women who
have had a miscarriage simply give up . They just stop trying to get
pregnant. They lose heart and cannot cope emotionally. A miscarriage is
a major blow to their self-esteem, and they feel that not only is their
body not capable of getting pregnant on its own, it cannot even carry a
baby to term.
This is a shame , because if these women had
persisted in trying, many of them would have succeeded in having a baby
. Remember that a miscarriage is often a random event, due to a random
genetic error , and does not mean that the reproductive system is faulty
!
You need to be able to be grieve after your
miscarriage – you have suffered a loss and you need to allow healing to
occur. Don't minimize the emotional impact of this loss on yourself.
However, you need to start planning for the future . In your next
pregnancy , you will need a lot more tender loving care and hand holding
- the burnt child dreads the fire . However, rather than see the glass
as being half-empty, you should see it as being half-full – and remember
that the simple fact that you have been pregnant once in the past ( even
though that pregnancy ended in a miscarriage ) means you have a better
chance of having a healthy baby in the future .
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